


How to Confuse an Orca  (alternatively, How to Piss Off a Dolphin)

by drinktea



Category: Free!
Genre: Dialogue-Only, M/M, mama bird haru, the i-love-makoto-senpai club
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-07 01:10:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5437880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drinktea/pseuds/drinktea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Between muscles, love equations and mackerel holidays, Makoto asks his friends the time-honoured question: "Does he like me or does he like-like me?" </p><p>(Wherein Makoto's most used phrase is, "Wait, what?")</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Confuse an Orca  (alternatively, How to Piss Off a Dolphin)

**Author's Note:**

> 21/12/15: Moving my soumakos over from tumblr. This one was prompted by the lines "Are you flirting with me?"

“Yo, Makoto.”

  
“Ah, Rin! You looked great today! Tell Mikoshiba-san that there’s no hard feelings, okay? What do you need?”

  
“Yeah, I’ll pass that on. We’ll race again at the next practise, I’m sure. But uh, I actually need to talk to you… about Sousuke.”

  
“Eh? Yamazaki-kun?”

  
“Yeah. Uh, have you noticed anything… different about Sousuke lately?”

  
“What do you mean? You see him more than I do. I only ever see him at joint practises, like today. He’s always been the same to me: friendly, complimentary, challenging me to races…”

  
“That’s what I meant.”

  
“W-what?”

  
“Uh, what I mean is, that’s unusual behaviour towards normal people. He must… just… just tell me if he does something stupid, okay?”

  
“Um, okay?”

  
“His feelings can be hurt easily especially by people he cares about, and he’ll hide it, so learn to read him. If you ever make him a bento, don’t use peanuts—he’s allergic. And he never forgets anniversaries or dates, so you can’t go forgetting any either.”

  
“Rin? Why would I make Yamazaki-kun a bento? What anniversaries?”

  
“… Never mind.”

 

* * *

 

“Gou-kun?”

  
“Yes, Makoto-senpai?”

  
“Could I ask you a question, and could you give me an honest answer?”

  
“This doesn’t sound good.”

  
“Gou-kun!”

  
“Okay, okay! Yes, ask away.”

  
“… Does Rin think Yamazaki-kun likes me?”

  
“Um, even if he didn’t, I can see how.”

  
“Wait, what?”

  
“As long as we’re talking about that, I can see how anyone would think that many, many people like you. Because it’s true.”

  
“Wait, what? How did this spiral out of control so quickly—”

  
“At least three—no, four—of my classmates have crushes on you, the first years have formed an I love Makoto-senpai club, and I can’t even count how many girls and guys have ogled you through the fence at swim practise and at events.”

  
“Really, Gou-kun, this is too much!”

  
“It’s all true! Now, as your manager, I request that you sit.”

  
“Fine.”

  
“Makoto-senpai, this is very serious. If you end up dating Sousuke, you can’t forget your priorities. Think about your responsibilities here. You have a duty to the world of muscles to stay in top condition!”

  
“I’m leaving.”

  
“Makoto-senpai! I don’t think you realize how gorgeous you are! You must do your duty!”

  
“I’ll see you later, Gou-kun.”

  
“Makoto-senpai! I’ll bring the protein powder back if I have to! Makoto-senpai!”

 

* * *

 

 “Ah, Makoto-senpai! So good to see you!”

  
“Hi, Rei.”

  
“Sit, please. How may I help?”

  
“Rei, how do you know if someone likes you?”

  
“W-what? I thought that when you asked to speak with me, you said I had expertise in this field!”

  
“Well, don’t you? I mean, you and Nagisa…”

  
“I… I don’t understand.”

  
“… Anyway, maybe you could apply your scientific approach to this.”

  
“Y-yes, of course! I’d be glad to… who is the person in question, if I may ask?”

  
“Um, it’s Yamazaki-kun.”

  
“Yamazaki-san! Oh, I think this will go smoothly.”

  
“You do?”

  
“Of course, I do! Based on the number of joint practises we’ve had, I can estimate the number of interactions between you both and categorize them according to duration, perceived level of platonic interest, perceived amount of romantic interest, and intensity. Then we can assess Yamazaki-san’s personality type to estimate the weight of the interactions and their meaning in his eyes. I feel that the width of Yamazaki-san’s smile has duly increased over the past month, don’t you? Now, I’ll need some information from you.”

  
“Y-yes, sir!”

  
“During your interactions with Yamazaki-san, what would you estimate his heart rate to be?”

  
“Uh… I have no clue.”

  
“Makoto-senpai! Please pay closer attention next time. Now, have you interacted outside of the joint practises?”

  
“Just once. I was bringing roast duck home from the butcher and waved hello to him.”

  
“Excellent, excellent.”

  
“Rei, are you sure—”

  
“I’m very sure! In fact, I have a figure here for you, Makoto-senpai!”

  
“T-that’s amazing, Rei! What are the results?”

  
“Based on the data I have tabulated and factoring in Yamazaki-san’s reticent personality, your heartbreaker’s smile—”

  
“Wait, what?”

  
“—Yamazaki’s perfect body, and the lap times over the past two weeks, I can say with full confidence that there is exactly a seventy two percent chance that Yamazaki-san likes you!”

  
“Seventy two?”

  
“Exactly seventy two.”

  
“How did—what math—okay. Thanks, Rei.”

  
“It’s no trouble at all, Makoto-senpai! Good luck on your blossoming romance, it’s quite beautiful!”

  
“Thanks, Rei.”

 

* * *

 

“Ah, Haru?”

  
“What is it, Makoto?”

  
“Rin said something weird to me earlier.”

  
“He’s lying. There is no mackerel holiday with a festival.”

  
“… That’s not what I was going to ask about, but seriously?”

  
“Ahem. What do you need to talk about?”

  
“Well, some people seem to think that Yamazaki-kun l-likes me. Am I—am I just really oblivious, or…?”

  
“Hm.”

  
“Haru?”

  
“Hm.”

  
“Haru?”

  
“Ah.”

  
“Haru?!”

  
“Makoto.”

  
“… Yes, Haru?”

  
“I have a solution.”

  
“What is it?”

  
“Just ask Yamazaki yourself.”

  
“… That might be the sanest thing that’s happened so far.”

  
“How do you start a holiday?”

 

* * *

 

“Seven, eight…”

  
“Uh. Hi. Um, Yamazaki-kun?”

  
“Twenty-nine, thirty. Yeah, Tachibana?”

  
“C-could I ask you a question?”

  
“Aren’t you asking already?”

  
“Ha, g-good one.”

  
“You seem… nervous today, Tachibana. Tense? My physiotherapist showed me a great move to release tension.”

  
“No, I just… have a lot on my mind.”

  
“Okay. Anything you want to talk about?”

  
“Actually, yeah. Um, it has… recently been brought to my attention that… I don’t really pay much notice to certain things, and that I am bad at math and there’s no holiday for mackerel and that we need to close over the fence at the school pool—”

 

“Tachibana, you’re babbling. It’s cute, but you might want to get back on track.”

  
“E-eh?”

  
“You’re babbling.”

  
“No, th-the other thing.”

  
“Get back on track.”

  
“No… the… other thing.”

  
“You’re cute.”

  
“Y-Yamazaki…”

  
“I’m just stating a fact.”

  
“Are you… flirting with me?”

  
“Ha, Tachibana… I’ve been flirting with you for the past month.”

  
“Oh.”

  
“Sheesh. You finally caught on, huh? Well, now you know. So now the real question is: what are you going to do about it?”

  
“Um, just… give me a minute.”

  
“Take all the time you need.”

  
“Yamazaki?”

  
“Yeah.”

  
“D-does this mean that time you lent me your water bottle… indirect kissing?!”

  
“Tachibana. It’s a water bottle. I didn’t realize the extent of your purity until this moment.”

  
“… Shutup.”

  
“Ha, sometimes I don’t believe you’re real.”

  
“What is that supposed to mean?”

  
“Let me tell you over dinner.”

  
“I thought I was getting all the time I needed.”

  
“Point made. I’ll get back to practise then.”

  
“Wait! I was—I’d like that. To have dinner. Um, with you.”

  
“Great. I’ll come get you around 7?”

  
“L-Looking forward to it, Yamazaki.”

  
“Maybe I’ll get to directly kiss you?”

  
“Y-Yama–zaki…”

  
“Whoa—hey! Hey, Tachibana! Tachibana! What the… are you serious?”

  
“Sousuke, what the fuck happened over here?”

  
“Rin, it’s Tachibana. We were making dinner plans and he just fainted on me!”

  
“Dude, Haru is going to kill you.”

  
“For what? The dinner or the fainting?”

  
“Both. Oh, speak of the devil—”

  
“Yamazaki. What the hell did you do to Makoto?!”

  
“Sousuke, run!”

  
“I can’t just leave Tachibana!”

  
“Run. Just run.”

 


End file.
